Na one of di painful sides of anxious attachment. But no be every anxious reaction mean say pesin get anxious attachment, sometimes, when pesin no too sure about something, e dey hard to handle, especially when somebody behaviour genuinely don change.
You know say checking him last seen for WhatsApp no go make him message you.
You know say reading old chats no mean say he still care.
You know say refreshing your chat every few minutes no go make him name suddenly appear, but you still dey do am, sake of say you dey find meaning to pesin life.
she think about am everywhere, for road, for market, for bathroom, for toilet, for work, for family meeting, for hospital, for police station even for burial ground, chaiiiii, dis thing no good ooo, she tok.
Na so she delete her Whatsapp, stop to dey check her message again. but dat one no mean say she don stop caring.
Sometimes, e simply mean say she don realise say checking things wey you no fit control dey make healing harder.
E get difference between missing somebody when you dey hurt and missing them even when you dey happy.
Eventually, you go tire, tire of waiting, tire of trying to understand somebody feelings through response time, online status and social media activity.
One day, you go look your phone and tell yourself, “I no fit continue like this.” na so she tell hersef ooooo.
Instead of asking, “Wetin I fit do make he come back?” she begin ask hersef di harder question: “Why I desperately want dis pesin for my life? I dey love am at di expense of my happiness? or I dey abandon myself just to keep dis pesin?”
Healthy relationship fit get disappointment, quarrel and uncertainty, but love no suppose make constant anxiety and losing yourself become di price you pay to stay.
Healing no mean say one difficult day must destroy all the progress you don make.
Part of healing na to build life wey belong to you, learn new things, chase your dreams and become person wey you go proud of.
You need life wey no go stop simply because somebody waka comot.
But loving yourself no mean say make you stop to dey care about other pipu, self-respect no be selfishness.
You fit be soft and loving without losing yourself because di goal no be to build wall wey nobody fit reach you, the goal na to become secure enough to let somebody come close without losing yourself inside di relationship mata.
And because somebody hurt you, you no need become cold, you no need stop being soft, loving or hopeful.
Also you no need to heal finish before you love another pesin.
You just need to understand yourself better, know your needs, know your patterns and know when your partner fit reason with you.
Learn to give love without making am your whole identity, receive love without making am your only source of worth and know when to leave when staying means you must keep betraying yourself, maybe that na wetin healing really mean.
Healing mean say to understanding dat missing another pesin no mean say you must go back, loving somebody no mean say dem right for you, and losing somebody no mean say you don lose yourself.
You fit love deeply without abandoning yourself, you fit remain soft without becoming dependent and you fit give love without giving away every part of yourself.
Sometimes, di pesin wey you dey wait for go come back and sometimes, dem no go come back.
Either way, your life must continue.
Your dreams and your ability to love still dey.
Di biggest lesson no be just to choose yourself, but na to choose yourself while still learning how to love another pesin wella wella.
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